Depression: An Expression Through Dance

TRIGGER WARNING-mentions suicide
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I often can't explain why I'm depressed even though I wish I could. Is there a rhyme or reason for this darkness, I don't know. People tell me to just snap out of it and I wish I could! Maybe if I understood why I was so sad, I could do something about it! Maybe if those who say that they love me actually saw the real me instead of my reflection would help. But do I let them see the real me? Would they want to, could they handle it? Could I deal with the real me on a daily basis? Or do I just keep hiding because no one wants to deal with this and I'd lose the few friends I have? Would they even care if I was gone?

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Musings while Medicated: My response to someone about my mom's choice and um, yeah.

Being CF, pro-choice and mentally ill rant:
When you say that it's the women's choice and some douche asks "what if your mom had aborted you?"  "So what if she had? We'd probably be a lot happier. I wouldn't have been exposed to a childhood of narcissistic douchebaggery and domestic violence. I wouldn't have grown up with chronic pain, with frequent stomach aches that were never investigated. I wouldn't have searched for love quickly, stupidly and in all the wrong places. Meeting with that guy online and he used you for 4 months. But you couldn't tell your family. Avoiding it all together? Great!  But can't leave those emotions behind, chronic pain worsens, you can't work and the doctors put you on 20 pills a day. But your parents who didn't abort you are bitching about supporting you while you wait on the government. Too bad they didn't abort me, they wouldn't have had an expensive but defective child so more money and less heartache for them and I wouldn't have had such a miserable fucking life!