Ableist family bullshit

I am in an absolutely "don't fuck with me" mood. For those who don't know, my sister is kicking me out so she can spawn with the lazy douche she's married to. So I'm back up in my college town, trying to find an apartment. The hemming and hawwing of my cosigner already caused me to lose on the best options. Now I have to go through property management, request access, call my doctor at home and get a letter, background check, blah, blah, blah. I didn't have to do any of that for this other place, I have a personal relationship with them. Just sign the rental agreement, pay the deposit and be done. My mom and sister are already packing my stuff.

I call my mom today to tell her about this place I am looking at and to see how my rat Ginny Weasley is. Then my mom dropped a bomb on me.

I'm ending this trip to go to my cousins  (who couldn't identify me in a Starbucks line) Bat Mitzvah which is a Jewish coming of age ceremony. It's at a private venue, owned by a synagogue. It's a summer camp that many of us went to and there's lots of wildlife.  My cousin says they said no dogs. I email their offices as a camp alumnae. I went for 4 summers. I get an email back from and Max is welcome. After I tried to get a hold of my cousin to no avail, I just said that I'm going and Max is coming. I find out that the RSVP wasn't mailed for weeks after.

My cousin's dad calls my parents. He couldn't call his own first cousin to tell her that her medical equipment isn't welcome at this family event. My uncle wouldn't even call me. They couldn't say it  directly to me. "Sorry, your life-saving medical device isn't welcome." It's at a fucking summer camp next to the beach! You own two dogs you twat! Do just not want my "problems" to ruin her special day? Without him, it would be even worse. I'd scream in the middle of someone talking, storm out of the room in tears and probably hurt myself trying to get to the beach via the old basketball courts. Can't have the oddball cousin ruin your princess's big day! It's a Bat Mitzvah at a summer camp, not a debutante ball!

This shouldn't surprise me, almost that whole side of the family is filled with narcissistic, snobby assholes. Only 5 decent people. My grandfather was my major childhood trigger. I wasn't good enough, I wouldn't make it, why was I doing something stupid like that? That asshole verbally tore me apart.  Now I'm supposed to go to an event full of people who love without one of the best tools in my toolbox? My family didn't even stand up for me, they just took it! My mom telling me how she'll help me. I don't want my mother to help me! I have several things  to assist with independent living, just let me use them! Being doped up the whole time won't help.

I'm sorry but if Max isn't welcome, neither am I. He saved my life, I wouldn't be here without him. So no Max, no me.

Leviticus 19:14-"You shall not curse the deaf nor place a stumbling block before the blind; you shall fear your God - I am your Lord."

I am highly medicated on controlled substances right now. I will likely spend the rest of the day eating trail mix while watching shit on YouTube.

Hypocritical Family Voices

I'm so angry with my parents! They say that they want what is best for me but they never listen! For 2.5 I've been saying how much I hate living in that town, I conflict with my sister and I want to move. But the family keeps saying that I'm not ready, I can't do it on my own and I shouldn't live alone for my own safety. Then my sister decides that she wants me out. BAM! I am moving. None of those previous concerns are brought up, I need to move. And not to a local apartment, those are too expensive. But back to Humboldt where it's cheaper.

The talk of "You should be close to family" and "We'll help you heal" is gone. I was a temporary pain in the ass and they want me gone. I didn't "get better". PTSD doesn't just go away. Fibromyalgia doesn't heal, colitis doesn't leave the colon. THIS IS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

Now I'm back here in Humboldt. Last week I was offered a decently priced apartment. I know the owners personally, they weren't going to demand a background check or an application. But my parents wanted me to look at other places, pointing out flaws with the offered apartment. I wanted to see pictures of the place as it was recently redone. I emailed the landlord and asked for some. She didn't have any but I needed to let her know about the apartment soon as they'd start advertising next week. So I called my mom and I said I wanted the place. But..long story short, between Thursday night and Friday night, the apartment got rented to someone else. Now I have to keep looking which is really stressful, educate about service dogs like mad, pay a bunch of application fees and spend the next 2 weeks grinding my teeth between trips to the toilet!

I was offered the place last week! If my parents had listened to me, it would be mine! I know the rental market here, I know it where they live. They have no clue. Their tenants are ripping them off! Treats one of them like a son! He doesn't pay rent, they go to the movies, dinner, the zoo, the beach and we're not invited. But he won't keep his greasy hands off me! We dated for a few months back in 2012 but he cut off contact because I wouldn't put out. Dude knew that I'm asexual! Now he's acting like my brother from another mother but still comes onto me, nasty! I'm just so angry right now!

24 hours of Anxiety-laden hell!

TRIGGER WARNING
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When you have to sift through boxes of stuff that you haven't seen since you left your husband and need to be stoned to cope. Then you find the blue tyedye beach throw that you were raped on. The one that you were going to burn with yout new boyfriend-financeé-husband-lying, cheating, fucking asshole ex husband! That damn hippie throw followed you across the state, probably packed for you by the evil ex. Then you see it and you start to dissociate until you almost have a seizure. Flashbacks, wee! Then you break down sobbing in your mother's arms. Your sister tries to help your mom and the two of them half carry you inside while your service dog keeps circling you. Then they lay you down on your bed while the dog covers your face in kisses. Then you fall onto the floor and it feels like there's  snot on your face. Using the selfie function as a mirror you see that there's no snot. You decide to share it on Facebook. While writing about the snot, you wonder why you are sharing it on Facebook. You realize that you are still stoned. Did the THC stop the PNES? Interesting thought...

I spent over half of yesterday reliving hell. This morning, my parents dog jumps over our wall to go visit other dogs. We get a new couch and the old one gets put against the wall until free dump day. I mention that it needs to be moved before she arrived. No one listened and she went visiting today. I thought she was in my housemate's room and he thought she was in my room. But she took off before the owner of the other dogs could catch her. The woman stopped at our door and told us. The lady took off after her in the car, housemate when in another direction and I went in the direction the lady saw her go on foot. Barefoot, no cane, no meds, in pajamas with a dog leash in hand. 

I got around the corner, still calling for her. A police car pulled up and asked me if I'd made the call. I looked in the back of his cruiser but no dog. Confused, I asked him if it was about the dog. He said it was about a child. He asked me where I live and if it's a medium black dog. I tell him where and yes. He said that a tall guy just grabbed her. I turned around, feeling every tiny pebble under my feet. The kind lady gave me a thumbs-up and I waved to her, yelling my thanks. Housemate came and found me but I stumbled my way home. 

Blasted dog greeted me happily, couches have been moved so she can't jump again and both dogs are in my room. Housemate went to pick up a prescription at my doctor's office and get us donuts. Double dose of anti-anxiety meds down the throat.

Family is NOT getting told. The two of us will get blamed for it and my dad will trigger the hell out of me. Not the idiot who enabled her to escape. Staying in this bed for the rest of the day. Can't handle shit right now.