Ableist family bullshit

I am in an absolutely "don't fuck with me" mood. For those who don't know, my sister is kicking me out so she can spawn with the lazy douche she's married to. So I'm back up in my college town, trying to find an apartment. The hemming and hawwing of my cosigner already caused me to lose on the best options. Now I have to go through property management, request access, call my doctor at home and get a letter, background check, blah, blah, blah. I didn't have to do any of that for this other place, I have a personal relationship with them. Just sign the rental agreement, pay the deposit and be done. My mom and sister are already packing my stuff.

I call my mom today to tell her about this place I am looking at and to see how my rat Ginny Weasley is. Then my mom dropped a bomb on me.

I'm ending this trip to go to my cousins  (who couldn't identify me in a Starbucks line) Bat Mitzvah which is a Jewish coming of age ceremony. It's at a private venue, owned by a synagogue. It's a summer camp that many of us went to and there's lots of wildlife.  My cousin says they said no dogs. I email their offices as a camp alumnae. I went for 4 summers. I get an email back from and Max is welcome. After I tried to get a hold of my cousin to no avail, I just said that I'm going and Max is coming. I find out that the RSVP wasn't mailed for weeks after.

My cousin's dad calls my parents. He couldn't call his own first cousin to tell her that her medical equipment isn't welcome at this family event. My uncle wouldn't even call me. They couldn't say it  directly to me. "Sorry, your life-saving medical device isn't welcome." It's at a fucking summer camp next to the beach! You own two dogs you twat! Do just not want my "problems" to ruin her special day? Without him, it would be even worse. I'd scream in the middle of someone talking, storm out of the room in tears and probably hurt myself trying to get to the beach via the old basketball courts. Can't have the oddball cousin ruin your princess's big day! It's a Bat Mitzvah at a summer camp, not a debutante ball!

This shouldn't surprise me, almost that whole side of the family is filled with narcissistic, snobby assholes. Only 5 decent people. My grandfather was my major childhood trigger. I wasn't good enough, I wouldn't make it, why was I doing something stupid like that? That asshole verbally tore me apart.  Now I'm supposed to go to an event full of people who love without one of the best tools in my toolbox? My family didn't even stand up for me, they just took it! My mom telling me how she'll help me. I don't want my mother to help me! I have several things  to assist with independent living, just let me use them! Being doped up the whole time won't help.

I'm sorry but if Max isn't welcome, neither am I. He saved my life, I wouldn't be here without him. So no Max, no me.

Leviticus 19:14-"You shall not curse the deaf nor place a stumbling block before the blind; you shall fear your God - I am your Lord."

I am highly medicated on controlled substances right now. I will likely spend the rest of the day eating trail mix while watching shit on YouTube.

Hypocritical Family Voices

I'm so angry with my parents! They say that they want what is best for me but they never listen! For 2.5 I've been saying how much I hate living in that town, I conflict with my sister and I want to move. But the family keeps saying that I'm not ready, I can't do it on my own and I shouldn't live alone for my own safety. Then my sister decides that she wants me out. BAM! I am moving. None of those previous concerns are brought up, I need to move. And not to a local apartment, those are too expensive. But back to Humboldt where it's cheaper.

The talk of "You should be close to family" and "We'll help you heal" is gone. I was a temporary pain in the ass and they want me gone. I didn't "get better". PTSD doesn't just go away. Fibromyalgia doesn't heal, colitis doesn't leave the colon. THIS IS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

Now I'm back here in Humboldt. Last week I was offered a decently priced apartment. I know the owners personally, they weren't going to demand a background check or an application. But my parents wanted me to look at other places, pointing out flaws with the offered apartment. I wanted to see pictures of the place as it was recently redone. I emailed the landlord and asked for some. She didn't have any but I needed to let her know about the apartment soon as they'd start advertising next week. So I called my mom and I said I wanted the place. But..long story short, between Thursday night and Friday night, the apartment got rented to someone else. Now I have to keep looking which is really stressful, educate about service dogs like mad, pay a bunch of application fees and spend the next 2 weeks grinding my teeth between trips to the toilet!

I was offered the place last week! If my parents had listened to me, it would be mine! I know the rental market here, I know it where they live. They have no clue. Their tenants are ripping them off! Treats one of them like a son! He doesn't pay rent, they go to the movies, dinner, the zoo, the beach and we're not invited. But he won't keep his greasy hands off me! We dated for a few months back in 2012 but he cut off contact because I wouldn't put out. Dude knew that I'm asexual! Now he's acting like my brother from another mother but still comes onto me, nasty! I'm just so angry right now!

Rambling About The Snow Queen

The Snow Queen is a huge part of my life. I would like to say that she doesn't rule me but she does. I am not her but she definitely exerts a lot power over me. But there is glass within me. Yet I'm always looking for ways to melt the glass inside of me.  Yet it seems like when a little glass has melted, the Snow Queen has put more inside me.